Monday, September 23, 2013

Taking On Diana Nyad at Headlands Hundred

With all the press about Diana Nyad's historical swim from Cuba to Florida earlier this month, I thought I'd set the record straight during my 100-mile run last weekend (Saturday 14th to Sunday 15th of September).

(Though technically grammatically incorrect, I will refer to myself as "me.")

Diana - 64, Me - 46
1 point for Diana

number of X chromosomes
Diana - 2, Me -1
2 minus 1 equals 1 point for Diana of the fairer sex

distance (miles)
Diana - 110, Me - 100
1 point for Diana

Diana - yes, Me - not usually
1 point for me

Diana - Cuba to (I want to live in) America, an epic route.  Like Al Pacino's character in Scarface.
Me - Running back in forth mindlessly in distorted circles.  (course map)
1 point for Diana

time and pace
Diana - 52 hours 54 minutes; Me - 22 hours 13 minutes 37 seconds
(Do the math yourself for the pace.  I used to be good a math, but hundreds of beers consumed since have atrophied that part of my brain.)
1 point for me

Diana - big time, Me - no!
1 point for Me!

I did accept whatever help I could get.
Here with Marissa Walker and her canine friend, at Tennessee Valley, post-race
Many other volunteers helped me too.  Thanks all of you!
Quicksilver teammate "Team Pommier" Sachin Sawant
asking if he should get out the mask (see below)
photo by Agnes Pommier

victim of sexual abuse by coach when younger?
Diana - yes; Me - no
1 point for Diana

honesty points regarding performance enhancing drugs
Diana - who knows?, uh huh, just sayin'; Me - I'm out with it.  I sometimes use them to stay awake.

my fixer, Shir Kochavi, photo by Yujun Wang
nothing like what Lance said for years he never took

1 point for me!

shark cage?
Diana - no!, Me- no!
tie, no points

jellyfish mask?
Diana - yes, Me - What is this, a masquerade ball?  no!
1 point for Me!

post-event publicity
Diana - was already a motivational speaker, slated for tons more.  more famous than ever.  a true inspiration for us all!
Me - maybe 3 or 4 of you have made it down this far on this silly blog post (you aren't chopped liver, though, thanks!)

1 point for Diana

tally so far
6 points for Diana, 5 points for me.  not looking good for me.

self-stimulation down there during the event
Diana - never photographed sticking something anywhere near the coochie or bootie part of her swimsuit
Me - caught in the act.  It feels good!  What's wrong with that?

photo by Karen Gerasimovich
Can't figure out who gets the point on this one.  But I am losing, and this stupid contest is my own doing.
1 point for me

nausea and vomiting
Diana apparently spewed a lot while swimming, maybe partly from all the seawater she inadvertently drank.
Me - just got nausea with running more than 15-20 steps at a time starting at about mile 82.  Maybe from the hamburger I got at mile 75.  I only asked for 1/3, but they gave me 1/2 of one.  I ate 1/4, then stashed the other quarter in my pack, which then started to smell nasty, along with me as my sweat mixed in with the hamburger I forgot about and oozed into my clothes.  Luckily only one person passed me during this time, so I still made top 10.

Diana actually threw up, and my rambling hamburger account was so stupid, I am embarrassed I made you all read that.

1 point for Diana

lives saved while working the day after the event was finished

Diana - 0, Me - 2 (my guess)

3 points for me!

updated tally
Diana 6, Me 8

who my wife finds more inspiring in the end (3 points on this one -- like I'm married to her)
Diana (ouch!).  She was gushing about her about watching one of the videos on net.

final score
Diana 9, Me 7

This kind of sucks, but I will be a gracious loser.  If I ever meet Diana Nyak in person, I will shake her hand.

real race report by the winner and new course record holder, Jean Pommier
This actually gives you an idea about the race.

By the way, Beverly Anderson-Abbs won the women's race and set the new women's course record, and like Jean, is 49.  This was just her 2nd 100 miler after being out several years due an injury.  I think our elite masters runner is back.  Pretty awesome!

Bev with her not so slow husband Alan following her (how it usually works).
lifted from her facebook profile page
Nice scenery, huh?  So glad I run rather than swim all the time...
This was also incidentally my first Pacific Coast Trail Run (PCTR) race under new management, John and Maureen Brooks.

GPS recordings of my run:
first 56 miles
last 44 miles

48 finishers out of 69 starters, completion rate of 70%

race website

previous HH100 race reports:


Big Johnny Burton said...

Mark, you've got me thinking now. What if I had put raw hamburger meat in my shorts pocket at the start of Western States this year. Would the 100+ degree temperatures, combined with my own body heat, have cooked the burger by the finish line? I will give it a try next time and let you know.

Anyway, congrats on finishing the race and saving lives afterward. I only ran half as far, and instead of going to work after, I just laid around drinking beer and yelling at my family.

Jeremy said...

I made my wife read this race report and now she says she wishes I was more like you.

John Nguyen said...

I find you more inspirational! You have two boys and you work crazy hours. You should get at least 3 points for that! And in your spare time to run 100 milers! How cool is that! Of course I am biased since I am a parent and runner myself. I like how you're writing more race reports! Reading them a year(s) after the races is like watching a recorded sports event where you already know the outcome. Congrats again on your sub-24 finish at the Headlands 100! It is very inspiring!

Olga King said...

Congrats, funny man! I'd take you too over shark mask!