Thursday, September 4, 2008

Last Weekend's Post-Nightshift Nightmare

I'm watching a one of those security cameras up close and I see my wife and she's screaming and shrieking as this guy is attacking her, and I can't do anything, just watch helplessly, this scene out of a horror movie, except it's real. He's murdering her! Just then, the scene cuts and the announcer says "Don't let this happen to you and your family-- and it won't if you have RoboDog! RoboDog, the robotic guard dog that growls and barks and will even bite any intruder into your home. You should've had RoboDog. Have your credit card ready and order today!"

(kind of like this, only it had sharp teeth. actually I was too upset to take a good look....)

I'm tripping out and realize that it's the future, when advertisers get your personal information from the web, including you facebook account and my blog, and then custom-design provocative and terrifying advertisements that play in your head even without a television screen, and won't stop until you buy what they want you to buy, and this all happened because as the result of a few decades of continual pro-big-corporation, but otherwise anti-science control of the White House and both houses of Congress as I kept blogging and not getting political so I deserved this HA HA HA HA HA (evil cackling) and okay now I'm up and I'm sweaty and I look at the clock and it's only 2330 (sorry I dream and think in military time) and I have to get up in 5 hours to work, when you were just starting work yesterday at the same time, and this messed up Circadian is why I'm having this fricking nightmare and can't sleep normally. I get up, pop an Ambien, and a Pepcid, and drink them down. A few hours later as I leave for my hour long running commute to work, I'm thinking, this could be worse.....

I didn't tell my wife about this one.

first published Tuesday September 9, 2008 at 0002


Eudemus said...

Actually Mark, 2330 wasn't the time, it's the year. It was no are in the future and the RoboDog is now coming after you! Run, Mark, Run for your life!!!

At least now I know how you win all those races. ;-)

Congrats on Steven's Creek 50K, by the way.

209Mike said...

I'm really starting to worry about you Mark. Sit, Robodog, sit.

Gretchen said...

Pretty sure this is your conscience's way of telling you to use your blog for political purposes. I only say this because, given some of your pro-environmental statements on this blog, I assume you have similar political leanings to myself. If you're more inclined to 'drill baby drill' then forget I mentioned it. ;)